rummaging through my ice age old email... it's so nice to be mushy...

Here I am again. Crying after we hang up the phone. I know you think I’m just fine,saying goodnignt's and I love you's over the course of our conversation. We embarked on a sweet talk and ended up so nice too. Most probably, you don't know I’m feeling this way. And perhaps you barely have an idea of how much longing do I have towards you. Maybe it's just isn't right to depend your happiness to a person. But what else can I do? You make my life evolve. I wanted to be by your side, if possible, all the time. Yet, though, if we can make it to the point that we're already married, even that doesn't guarantee of us inseparable at times. I'm longing for you, so badly. And I’m afraid that this longing might lead into something not so nice. ... I'm always hungry for your touch, for your attention, for your voice...for everything that is you. I always want to feel your arms enveloping me, the comfort it gives to me, the immeasurable security...it makes me want to love you more and more...and also makes me forget of the sorrow and petty pains you've caused me. Yet, like this night and so many more nights to come and those that have passed by...I'm becoming an alien to myself and to you also. And before I sleep, I'll just memorize the sweetness of your voice when you're saying sorry, and perhaps, I'll just try to recall your lips brushing against mine...and the way your hands feel on my skin...its softness, its masculinity and femininity as well...you always make me wonder of how could you possess such extreme characteristics...yet, I'm often reminded, through that, how great our Lord is, how good He is to me for sending you in my life...I could never be grateful enough...maybe I could still wait for that time when we will sleep together under the blessing of God and our church. On nights, when, me, hugging your nice tummy and you, giving warmth on my body...and maybe then, I'd be more mature to face my own fears and at least you'll be there to give me a hug and sumptuous kiss whenever my tantrums are incomprehensible. And we will be filled by nice thoughts. Enormous dreams. I guess we will have time to laugh more often and I can lessen my crying too. I love you beyond words and the boundless sky. And I'll always do....